Wednesday, October 18, 2006

If Only They Were Normal #11- Laura Bush and Laureen Harper

Imagine being married to George Walker or Stephen Joseph. No thanks!!! If their wives were normal they would have left their sociopathic mates by now or at LEAST had an affair to comfort each other's living with emotionless, incompassionate guys. Let's let the fly on the wall listen in:

Laura It's o.k. sugar, Mamma's gonna make everything alright for pretty little Laureen.
Laureen OH Laura, I , I never knew what it was like to be held and comforted this way before. My husband is so....
Laura Shhh, dumplin'. Let's leave the world of testosterone behind. It's just you and me right now.
Laureen Hold me tighter. Tell me you'll take me to the Mid-East Peace Jam session.
Laura Ya honeychild, don't you worry, that's right, put your hand there, how's this feel?
Laureen I, I've never been asked that before. Laura, oh, Laura!!!
Laura Hush now, hush. We'll make love, not war.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

If Only They Were Normal #10- Michael Ignatieff

Liberal Leadership contenter Michael Ignatieff, if he were normal:

"Yup. You'll get nothing but straight talk from me. I think we've had enough of politicians who can't shoot from the hip. No more fucking around with fancy-dancy intellectual bullshit and promises, this time it's going to be for the people and I don't want anyone knowing who my dad is, hear? That's got nothing to do with anything. A little common sense, nose to the grindstone, roll up our sleeves and get to work is what it's going to be. There was a time a person knew what a liberal was and stood for, well I'm bringing that back and there's no effin way my tax dollars or anyone elses are getting wasted on a useless war. I gotta get back to the job here and I don't have a zillion speeches saying the same thing over and over so if you'll excuse me I'm gonna finish up then have some beer with regular citizens and listen to what THEY have to say."

Monday, October 02, 2006

If Only They Were Normal #9- Donald Rumsfeld and Kim Jong ll

Donald Rumsfeld and Kim Jong ll are staging a 'Bed-In' to protest war and corruption.

Rumsfeld: It's way sweet. We've booked the room and look forward to recording a song for peace.
JONG: I love Donny. We come up with these brilliant ideas together. What we're doing is for the world and it's a sacrifice and statement.
Rumsfed: Christ, ya know it ain't easy. Ya know the way things can be. The way things are going, they're gonna crucify me.
JONG: SHRIEK! Up yours, propagators of war!
Rumsfeld: Kimo's my love. Kookookachoo.